Poof
by Tomo Potter
Summary: James has noticed Remus and Sirius laughing at the oddest things, and is determined to get to the bottom of it. Slash, RLSB. Also contains massive author note explaining why I am absent :C


A/N: OMG my computer is broken D:

So, here's the story. I was away for a month around Christmas, staying with my dad, who resolutely refuses to get the internet despite being a computer science teacher, because he is a cunt. (Actually I love my dad to pieces, but the no internet thing is annoying XD) I picked up my laptop one day, to write the very end of the next chapter of Brotherhood, put the plug in the laptop...

...Put the plug in the laptop...

...but there was something stuck in the plughole, so it wouldn't go. :C

Somehow we got that out, and the computer worked for like a day, then the battery died, and the computer isn't receiving power from the plug anymore. I know the computer cord itself works because I'm using it right now on mum's computer, but my computer can't tell it's getting power anymore so it dies :(

I'm using my mum's computer until we do something about this (Right now it's looking like I'll have to somehow afford a new computer, and have the hard drive transferred over) so I don't have access to any of my writing files, and it's a piece of crap. I miss writing! I've written a little something to apologise for my mega long disappearance here, but apart from that, I'm pretty much gonna vanish until we solve this. :( If you wanna get in touch with me, feel free to drop me a bebo comment, or a tweet on Twitter, or an LJ comment (but I'm not likely to reply there because I don't go there much XD) I'm most likely to reply on bebo, since I'm on it heaps. In addition, I believe I'm going to start writing short little pieces of fanfiction, and posting them on my bebo blog, because I can't just cram my mum's computer with loads of gay pron (not because she would object, quite the contrary, but it doesn't have much space left on it sadly, thanks to a l l of my sims XD) but I really do miss writing, and posting blogs is easier than writing something, then uploading it, then deleting it from the computer, which I am doing now.

Props if you actually read all that XD Here's the gist;

-On mum's computer, so can't access writing files

-Contact me via Bebo, or Twitter. Links in my profile.

-Will be posting wee ficlets on my bebo blog in the meantime :)

And now this author note is far, far, far, far, FAR too long, and I think we should get down to BUSINESS! (You know when I'm down to my socks it's time for business, that's why they're called business socks.)

Warning: Slash, cussin', stupid James.

Disclaimer: All characters you recognise belong to J.K Rowling, angel that she is.

Dedicated to: Everyone waiting for the next chapter of Brotherhood, you've all been super duper patient and I'm so damn sorry about all this :( I love you all, and can't wait to get back to writing for you! x3

This chapter inspired by: My beautiful girlfriend (Who is actually my boyfriend, and I'm a man too, and we have sweet, sweet manlove :D), her brother "Well that's gay - oh shit, sorry!", and all those people at camping. "Are you gay?" -Hannah and I just laugh for ages-

**Poof**

"How the hell does McGonagall expect us to do all this? That's fuckin' gay." James groaned, staring at his Transfiguration homework. He looked to his best friend, Sirius, for affirmation, expecting the handsome Gryffindor to laugh and nod, and probably say something witty in response. But Sirius's eyes were pointed another way, meeting the unnaturally golden eyes of Remus Lupin. The lycanthrope was smiling at some secret joke, clearly understood by only himself and Sirius, and in response to that, Sirius laughed loudly, Remus joining in the laughter at their private joke. After a second or two, Sirius tore his gaze away, still grinning, to look at James.

"Absolutely fuckin' gay." He nodded, Remus giggling slightly again.

"And we've got Quidditch this evening. When are we gonna have time for all this?" James continued, still trying to figure out what Sirius and Remus found so funny. Maybe they'd had a conversation about homework the other day or something.

"Well it is NEWT year. They're probably just wanting us to realise how serious these exams are." Remus smiled gently, as the four of them headed down the stairs to the Great Hall for tea. Sirius tossed his hair casually and winked at a couple of girls, who giggled and waved back at him. Remus shot Sirius a look, and Sirius shrugged in response. James watched them closely, wondering what had happened between these two during the holiday. Christmas break had just finished, and while James and Peter had gone home, Sirius had decided to stay at school, Remus staying with him to keep him company. Ever since James and Peter arrived back the previous day, Sirius and Remus had somehow seemed closer than before, like they were now sharing some special personal joke none of the others could comprehend. They were always looking at each other, whispering some comment, and then laughing their arses off, but refusing to fill anyone else in. It was, quite frankly, driving James mad. It felt as though he had lost two of his best friends to some unseen bond, that kept them living in their own little world, while he was trapped on the outside, looking in through a fogged window. It was, in general, not a good feeling at all. He needed to figure out what they were hiding, so things could go back to normal.

"Daaaamn tea smells good." Sirius grinned, flopping into his usual seat. "I'm starved." He started loading his plate with the usual Sirius Black assortment of various foods - chicken drumsticks and mashed potatoes and spinach and corn and a few pieces of bread for luck. Remus sat next to them, grabbing himself a steak, and various vegetables. James and Peter sat opposite, James getting himself a steak too, and a whopping great mound of mashed potatoes, and Peter simply filling his plate with everything within arms reach.

"Evening, all." Smiled Brian Swann, a Gryffindor sixth year who Remus tutored in Arithmancy, reaching between Remus and Sirius to grab the mashed potato plate. "I take it you chaps are done with this?" Remus nodded, and Brian turned to him. "I do hope you'll remember what I told you last week, Remus. It is a very serious matter."

"I know." Remus nodded. "I told you, I'll be careful." He smiled. "Thank you very much for the advice though."

"No problem." Brian smiled, patting Remus gently on the shoulder, and returning to wherever he had come from.

"Christ, Brian's a bit lilac, i'nn'e(1)?" Peter said in a low voice, eyes leaving his plate to follow Brian's slightly swaying hips down the table.

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look, and burst into laughter. James laughed too, but he could tell they weren't laughing at the same thing. What had happened between them and Brian during the hols? How could he see into their world, but James couldn't? How was that fair?

Or maybe... maybe it wasn't Brian they were laughing at. Almost every time they shared a secret laugh, there was some gay joke involved. Had something happened over the holidays? Had Brian maybe come on to Remus? Was that what they were laughing about?

But no. There was more to it than that. As he watched them exchange a glance, he saw for the first time through the fogged glass something new in that look. Something that looked a lot like...

No. There was no way in hell that Sirius and Remus were gay. No fucking way. Sirius would have said something to him. They were best mates. How could Sirius figure out something that huge, and not tell him?

No, no, no, that was absurd. Sirius and Remus were Marauders. They were like brothers. They couldn't be faggots! It was ridiculous to even think about it. James tried to push the thought out of his mind, and continue on with his tea, but Sirius and Remus looked at each other again, and again he saw that look.... that look of love. And it shocked him to the core.

They were gay.

000

"I feel as full as a dragon who's just devoured a whole village full of knights." Sirius grinned, rubbing his belly and flopping down on one of the sofas in the common room. "That was a damn good meal."

Peter nodded. "I feel like I ate a whole bison."

"Nah, you don't have a sodding great horn sticking out your stomach." Sirius grinned. "You're sweet."

James watched all this in relative silence; laughing in the right places, but not participating much more than that. He had been on this kind of autopilot since his revelation at dinner, and so far the others didn't seem to have noticed. In the mean time, James had devised himself a plan, one final test to prove once and for all that Something was Up. He just had to wait for the opportune moment.

Peter shoved Sirius, who was pushed into Remus on his other side, who in turn shoved back. The whole thing quickly turned into a playful wrestling match between the two of them, Peter, who was no good at wrestling, having backed out when it became serious. Sirius was a good wrestler, but none of them were ever any match for Remus. He looked like the smallest, weakest one of the four, but he had the unfair advantage of being a werewolf, and won almost every fight he got into. Before long, Sirius was pinned on the floor beneath him, hair splayed all over his sweat beaded face, as well as the floor. He grinned dashingly, saying something quiet to Remus, who laughed, and whispered something back, widening Sirius's grin. Remus was sweaty too, golden hair sticking to the sides of his face, a wild, glorious look in his eyes. He was sitting on Sirius's lower stomach... not so low as to cause problems, but certainly low enough. He was holding Sirius's arms above his head, meaning their bodies were almost touching, and both of them were panting heavily. He couldn't have asked for a better opening.

"Oi, you two. Get up. You look like a couple of poofters." He called.

As James had feared, Sirius's grey eyes met Remus's gold, and they both laughed that secret laugh once more.

"Give?" Remus asked, not moving.

"Give." Sirius conceded, and Remus rolled off onto the floor next to him, sprawling out, still panting.

"Oh god, I'm so tired. I could lie here forever."

"Me too." Sirius nodded, then leaped to his feet. "Wanna make an early night of it, Moony me lad?"

"Sure." Remus smiled a smile James couldn't quite place. "Night, guys."

"Night." Peter said cheerily, waving, and not noticing a thing.

"Night." James said, preoccupied with his discovery. Sirius and Remus had barely disappeared up the stairs, when Peter shuffled over to James and whispered to him.

"So you've noticed it too?"

"What?" James blinked, turning to look at Peter. The fat boy had looked so happily oblivious that James hadn't even considered the fact that he might have come to the same conclusion as him. He supposed he should have realised sooner, Peter tended to notice things others didn't, because he was so often overlooked, it was easier for him to observe things, and to see what everyone else was too busy to grasp.

"You know. Those two. I think something's happened while we were away, and I think I can guess what it was too."

James nodded. "They don't exactly do a good job of hiding it, do they?"

"Not at all." Peter grinned. "You should go up. Talk to them. Tell them we've figured it out."

James nodded, getting up. "I will."

"I'll stay here. I'm not exactly confrontation guy." Peter smiled, and James grinned back.

"I'll tell you everything once it's over." He smiled, and headed up the stairs with a resolute determination. He was going to get to the bottom of this, mark his words. He would go up, confront them about it, and find out the whole truth. Those sneaky bastards weren't going to keep this from him. He was going to-

James's inner monologue was paused mid-sentence when he entered the dorm to a sight he had NOT expected (but really should have.) Sirius had Remus pressed against one of the posts of his bed, every inch of their bodies touching. Their lips were locked in a furious, passionate kiss. Sirius had one hand sliding up Remus's unbuttoned shirt, while one of Remus's deft hands slipped down his unzipped trousers. James stumbled backwards in shock, his back colliding with the wall, and Sirius and Remus broke apart, turning to look at him.

"Shit." Sirius said, doing up his trousers. "James, this isn't..."

Remus gave him a look. "Sirius, it wouldn't have been much more incriminating if he'd walked in on us having sex."

"Good point." Sirius said in a high, panicked voice. "James, we can explain."

"I already figured it out." James said, stepping forwards. "I came up here to confront you, but I can see that's not really necessary."

"Yeah..." Sirius said awkwardly. "So... you're not.... mad, or grossed out, or anything?"

"No. Well... kind of. How come you didn't tell me?"

"We weren't sure how you'd take it." Remus said. "You tend to throw around a lot of homophobic words, and we weren't sure if you would freak out, so we were waiting to tell you."

"Well, you're absolutely lousy at hiding it."

"I know." Sirius grinned. "We just can't keep off each other."

James choked, and Remus turned red. "Sirius!" He yelped, slapping him in the stomach.

"Ooof, watch it! Remember your goddamn strength!" Sirius said, rubbing his stomach.

"I was." Remus raised an eyebrow, but they were both smiling.

"So you're cool?" Sirius asked?

"As long as I never have to see that again." James nodded. "So is Peter, by the way."

Remus laughed. "Can't fool Pete. Thank you guys."

James nodded. "It's no problem. Just... next time you decide to be gay, let us know."

Sirius laughed. "Will do."

A/N: Yay fanfiction :D Thanks for reading :D Sorry about my enormous absence, but it really can't be helped :( There's no way my family can afford a new computer right now, not even a cheap second hand one. -is poor- I hope you'll stick with me over the long break, and keep reading my bebo ficlets and whatnot.

1: For those not familiar with the British way of condensing words, 'isn't he' can be smooshed down into a word that sounds basically like 'inny'. I've spelled it as best I can XD Oh, and for anyone who didn't get the 'Lilac' thing either, that's a British slang word for gay.


End file.
